The Real Bachelor

"At my age it's all about effort. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. The greatest reward for the least amount of effort."

A quote from one of my dearest friends during a probe into the endlessly self serving male psyche. While, this little nugget of bachelor knowledge did make me laugh at the time, I'm also not dating this man. If I were, I would probably not be amused. This prevalent male attitude towards dating seems to have taken hold of every guy I know-from 14 to 42. I know men haven't given up on love but it certainly seems low on the priority list. Despite the caliber of woman in the running (which is pretty damn high) all I hear are lines like, "I don't want anything serious, it's not the right time for me, I don't think I could be with anyone right now, I can't give her what she needs." Have men completely taken their hearts off the menu? It seems the only thing they are willing to offer is "fun." But, if you're starting out with a lecture on what he DOESN'T want and an agreement of how little you will care for each other no matter what happens between you, how much fun can you possibly have?!

Suddenly, that psycho from the Bachelorette who would not stop saying he would "guard and protect" her heart, isn't looking so bad...huh?!

A little advice from me to you...

If you hide who you are-you'll never get what you want.

P A T R I O T I S M

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

el dia de carlos

If you are very lucky, like me, you spent the day with the greatest guy you know. The man that tucked you in every night and told the best bedtime stories, the man who taught you to swim, who made the best french toast you've ever tasted every Sunday, took you prom dress shopping...never missed a soccer game or ballet recital. The man who still protects you like you're six years old but admires the woman you have become. The man who tells you when the man you love looks at you the right way. The man who made you a romantic, who tells you you must be able to equally give and receive love. The man you will measure every other man up to. The man you cannot wait to make a grandfather. The man who's happiness is key to your own.

Happy Carlos Day!

the lost & found

I don't ask much, i just want you

Making relationships work is a balance between self preservation and relationship preservation. Although, one cannot exist without the other, these two priorities can often be at conflict. But, the happier you are the better partner you can be and ignoring your personal needs will inevitably poison the relationship. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with compromise and the definition of love is to desire and seek the happiness of your partner as much as your own.

Unfortunately, there are inherent differences between men and women that can make striking this balance a bit tricky. In an effort to break it down a bit for the fellas, Esquire took a poll of women in various age groups asking them what they expect from men their age. Please read below and you'll see...it's really not that hard boys. We just want to love you.

18
He should be compassionate at least. There have to be some teenage boys with compassion!
He should be good with parents.
He should have a goal.
We don't expect very much, to be honest.

27
He should be reliable.
He shouldn't rely on text messaging as a tool of courtship.
He should have a "way" about him.
He should have traveled the world.
He should know how to cook one thing really well.
He should have a political affiliation.
He should behave as if his mother raised him right-even if she didn't.

35
He should not have a belly.
He should have decided on a sexual preference.
He should possess the thoughtfulness required to help a mom with a stroller and 2 kids up the stairs.
He should not have mommy issues.
He should have moved on from pickup lines to conversation starters.
He should want the party to end at some point.

44
He should be a real partner.
He should still be eager to learn.
He should be financially secure.
He should be sexy.
He should take the trash out without having to be told.
He should understand the importance of jewelry in a woman's life.
He should be a gentleman.

53
He should work out.
He should smell like something: after-shave or cologne.
He should know politics.
He should be faithful.
He should not be addicted to his work.
He should admit his mistakes.
He should be a man.

**Image taken from Le Love my new favorite blog! Please check it out! I've already submitted my short.**

there's more to life

"What did you do this weekend?" he asks
"I went home for my sister Karina's birthday," I reply.
"You always have a lot of family stuff, huh?" he says
"Yeah," I say with a laugh, "I guess I do."

First of all, when you live in New York city, you know going out during the week is far superior to the weekends. So spending weekends at home is often a welcome change of pace. And since the birth of my niece, it just seems like there's no place I'd rather be.

Once you reach a certain age, spending time around children is like spending time around couples when you're single. You inevitably think to yourself, "I want one!" But then, we arrive back in the city and as we ride down 7th avenue, I very much appreciate the life that I still live. And as long as this stage continues I will live it to the full. But, I do now sense a greater happiness on the horizon. And that includes being as yummy a mummy as my beautiful sister Karina.

careful what you wish for

One evening he returned to my life, within moments my heart began to race, in ten days we knew, after three hours he left my bed, in just a couple of footsteps I heard the click of the door and I lie for hours with eyes wide shut.

By morning, he is thousands of miles away; just an imprint on my pillow and a vibration from my phone. Today, I'll play his music, walk by the flat...drink coffee his way. My life is back to “normal" yet everything has changed. I don't remember how to do this.
I’ve completely lost my nerve.